Colin Timothy Gagnon (sacredspud) wrote,
Colin Timothy Gagnon

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Bill & Ted: Masters of Paradox

I stepped out of the shower just in time to answer my cell phone. It was Jim who's treating me to lunch prior to the Anime Craptacular. Yes folks, I've broken down and am going to Anime Club. Do remember, though, that I'm the guy who owns the non-MST3K version of Manos: The Hands of Fate on DVD, so anything called "Craptacular" and not relating to organic waste is probably right up my alley.

I'm sorry but I refuse to make a joke linking the phrases "organic waste" and "up my alley."

Anyway, what did I do last night? Ellen and I got together and had dinner at Irish Waters Pub. Never been there before. The food was good. I got funny looks from the waitstaff for eating my cream cheese and olive burger, bun and all, with a knife and fork. After dinner we went to Barnes & Noble.

Back at Ellen's apartment, we watched Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. As I have stated before, this movie has the least feasible plot of any movie ever made. Ever. Prior to last night's viewing, my main problem with the plot had to do with the fact that Billy the Kid, an uneducated juvenile delinquent from the American West, was able, over the space of no more than an hour, to
  • Discover Bill and Ted's capture.

  • Learn enough about justice in medieval England to
    1. understand that Bill and Ted are about to be beheaded.

    2. figure out the ceremony that surrounded a public beheading at the time.
  • Formulate a complicated escape plan.

  • Learn enough ancient Greek or teach Socrates enough English to

  • carry out said escape plan.

It just doesn't hold water. Then Ellen and I were discussing the end of the movie, and we decided that their presentation is a worse logical offense. Who is operating the lights in the auditorium? Ellen thinks it's Rufus, but I doubt it, and everybody else is accounted for. Missy is in the audience, their fathers are watching dumbfounded from the back... Is it the geeks in the drama club? I doubt that, too, since if they'd been involved with drama, they'd probably be able to come up with a good presentation without all the mucking about in the past. If I were Bill or Ted, I'd have gone back in time to when we were eight and convinced my younger self to befriend the dorks in drama so that I'd have a friend to work the lights in 1988. This can't be right, because if Bill and Ted had gotten into drama, they'd probably be different people capable of putting together a kickass presentation without--

Whoops, never mind. Jim's here. Gotta go.
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