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June 9th, 2004

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01:04 pm - Ketchup is a vegetable.
I've been thinking about the preposterous idea of swapping Hamilton for Reagan on the ten dollar bill, and I have a better suggestion.

I think we should stick Clinton on something. I'll avoid the obvious "let's put him on the one dollar bill since singles are the preferred currency of strippers" joke (see how I cunningly worked the joke in there anyway? I'm so brilliantly subtle.), but I think we should bump Franklin off the hundred and slap Bill's face on there. After all, Benjamin Franklin wasn't even a president. Besides, having Franklin on the hundred just adds more clout to the pro-Reagan argument:

Congressman A: How can you possibly elevate Reagan to the same level of historic significance as Washington, Jackson and Lincoln?
Congressman B: Hey, don't forget, Franklin's on the c-note. He wasn't even a president.
Congressman A: I can't believe this. Next you'll want to stick a chick on the quarter.
Congressman B: Um, there already is a chick on the quarter.
Congressman A: Uh, no, that's George Washington.
Congressman B: Oh man, I always thought that was an ugly chick!
Mark Russell: (singing) That... that... Dude looks like a lady!
Congressmen A & B: You're not funny.
Mark Russell: I know.
Minus six points to anybody know both knows who Mark Russell is and thinks he's funny.

I also think we should replace the "E PLURIBUS UNUM" on all our curency with "HEY, WE ALL GOTTA LIVE SOMEWHERE." Maybe adopt "The gateway to Canada" as our national motto.
Current Mood: mischievousmischievous
Current Music: Wade -- Ben Franklin

(9 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:June 10th, 2004 03:17 am (UTC)
um, hamilton wasn't a president, either... how many of you don't realize that?
[User Picture]
Date:June 10th, 2004 03:23 am (UTC)
He would've been if I'd been running things.
[User Picture]
Date:June 10th, 2004 05:32 am (UTC)
I like Franklin so please don't knock him. He's also the only person on U.S. currency that's smiling.
[User Picture]
Date:June 11th, 2004 04:32 pm (UTC)
Yeah, but if Clinton were on a bill, you KNOW he'd be smiling. That's allz I'm asayin'. Peas out. (whatever the hell that meant)
[User Picture]
Date:June 10th, 2004 10:34 pm (UTC)
Why not take Salmon P. Chase off the $10,000 bill and replace it with Reagan? The only people who would notice the change would have benefited more greatly from Reagan than Mr. P. Chase.
[User Picture]
Date:June 11th, 2004 03:25 pm (UTC)
Who would name their child Salmon?
[User Picture]
Date:June 11th, 2004 03:27 pm (UTC)
Robert and Elizabeth Holmes of 611 West South St., Belmont Heights, Colorado. Bastards.
[User Picture]
Date:June 11th, 2004 11:00 pm (UTC)
Personally, I think Clinton should replace Jackson on the $20. It's difficult to find a president who was more of an insufferable bastard than Andrew Jackson.
[User Picture]
Date:June 12th, 2004 03:20 pm (UTC)
I can see your point, but I've always thought that the portrait of Andrew Jackson looked like John Linnell from They Might Be Giants. If we get rid of Jackson it won't be as funny when I scratch out the name on the $20 bill and write "LINNELL."

I'm kidding. I don't actually do that.

Garmonbozia for the soul.

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