Colin Timothy Gagnon (sacredspud) wrote,
Colin Timothy Gagnon
sacredspud

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Flamewars, the greatest short play ever, and why I only buy cheap watches.

Gaahhh. I just got done reading the most recent posts to the Tiny Fools cast mailing list about all that... stuff... that's been going on. What a mess. It's none of my business and most of the people who read my livejournal don't know what I'm referring to, but holy sack, kids. It's getting ridiculous. I wanted to stay neutral to all the stuff that's been going on, but having observed the online portion of the argument, it's really hard not to be biased -- especially when one side keeps vehemently turning down the offer of arbitration.

It's also difficult to take somebody seriously in an online forum when their spelling and grammar are so atrocious that I have to read everything twice to make sure I've understood it. My spelling and (to a greater extent) my grammar are far from impeccable, but a tleast i dont: rite like a ilitarit MONKEY!!!1!!!

All those abbreviations have inspired me to share my masterwork:
                                  The Bathroom
               A brilliant play in one act by Colin Timothy Gagnon
               formatted in 80 columns for your daisywheel printer.
                    
                                DRAMATIS PERSONAE
                             Guy #1:  A guy
                             Guy #2:  Another guy
                             Guy #3:  Some other guy

SETTING:  A public bathroom.  Guys #1 and #2 are standing in front of urinals,
doing... um, well... you know.

                                     Guy #1
                              A u.  R u p n?
                    
                                     Guy #2
                              S, s I m.  R u p n?

                                     Guy #1
                              S, I m p n, 2.

                                     Guy #2
                              O.  I c u r p n.

(Brief pause.  Guy #3 walks in, and stands in front of another urinal.  The
other two take notice, and exchange nervous glances.)

                                     Guy #1
                              A...  A, s e p n?

                                     Guy #2
                              I n o.  A u!

(Guy #3 notices the other two.  He answers, somewhat reservedly.)

                                     Guy #3
                              S?
                    
                                     Guy #2
                              R u p n?

                                     Guy #3
                              ....y?

                                     Guy #1
                              I n o.  R u?

                                     Guy #2
                              S, r u?  R u p n?

                                     Guy #3
                              (standoffish)
                              Y s, s I m.

                                     Guy #1
                              O.  I c.

(Momentary pause, during which Guy #2 notices that Guy #3 is not, in fact,
peeing.)

                                     Guy #2
                              A...  E s n p n!

                                     Guy #3
                              S I m!

                                     Guy #2 
                              U r n p n!   Y r n u p n?
                    
                                     Guy #3
                              I n o.

                                      fin


Anyway... I bought a new cheap watch today. This happens about three times a year.

I know, I know. If I'm buying cheap watches three times annually, wouldn't it be simpler and less expensive to buy a slightly nicer one that's less likely to break? The answer, apparently, is no. The last watch I bought was a bit nicer and thus more expensive. I was going to maintain it for awhile -- change the battery, purchase a new band when this one wore out, etc. Then last night I was resetting it when the crown came out. It's not supposed to do that. The hands are also not supposed to completely detach when the crown (which isn't supposed to come out) comes out. But ah, that should give you an idea as to what happened, and why I needed the new one. Oh, I'm sure it's under warranty (seeing how I bought it less than two months ago), but if the warranty is anything like the one that came with the watch I just bought, I'll have to mail it at my own expense, and enclose a check for $4.95 for return postage. I can buy a new (albeit cheap) watch for that much.

So I did. It cost me $6.27, including tax. At some point here, it'll need replacing. Either the buttons will come off, or the band will break, or it will suffer spontaneous massive existence failure, and I'll have to pay six bucks for a new cheap watch. Six bucks three times a year I can handle.

I guess the other option would be to spring for a much more expensive watch than the ones I've been buying, but that also seems like a bad idea. First of all, there's my worry that like every other not-too-cheap watch I've ever bought, something unlikely and fatal will happen (such as the crown coming out, and the hands falling off). The other problem I see is that I already have two such watches in storage at my parents' house. Both were given as gifts, and both originally retailed for at least five times my annual watch budget (that's in the ballpark of $100, kid). I can't do a damn thing with either of them because after the batteries ran down, I took them all over Madison only to find that nobody could open them. Not even the jewelers (although one on the west side scratched the crystal of one of the watches pretty badly). Doesn't matter. $6 watches are fine, and if I ever need to look sharp for a business meeting, I'll just adopt a British accent, leave the watch at home, and start saying things like "Oh, I do think timepieces are so vulgar, don't you?"

I wouldn't win any snooty points™, but I'm sure people would stop asking me for the time.
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