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February 6th, 2004


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07:03 pm - THE ALL-AMERICAN BALD-EAGEL.
Picture this: Sicily, 1912. You're me, you have too many carrots and onions that need to be used up, and you've just found a recipe for carrot soup.

What do you do?

You ignore your plans to clean out your closet and make soup. Carrot soup. Really good carrot soup. This is really cool, except that it occurs to me that almost the only thing I ever cook these days... is soup. Or hummus. Meh. Like I care. I make so much soup because the next day when I come home from work tired and hungry, it can be reheated in less time than a frozen pizza, and in many cases (carrot soup, for instance) contributes less to my impending major health problems.

Uh, yeah, I made soup last night. As the snow was coming down, Nate got a call from his cousin Ryan who had decided to make the 135-mile drive down to Madison after work so they could go out drinking. In the snow. In the night. In the dark. Extra points to anybody who knows the connection between the movie I just quoted and 3D-glasses with their lenses reversed. Uh, anyway, the aforementioned spur-of-the-moment drive happens every once in awhile, and I just don't get it. Especially in the snow. If I'm gonna decide spontaneously drive 135 miles after work, show up unannounced and spend a night or two, I'll at least want to stop at home and clean up a bit first. Not that I mind him being here, I just can't imagine doing it myself, especially on a night when the interstate moved at about 25 miles per hour between the High Point exit and Highway 30 (at about 8:30 PM, in case you cared). On the other hand, I made drives like this myself a few years ago, but they were either to Fond du Lac or Decorah, Iowa (85.1 miles and 157.9 miles from Stoughton, respectively), and never in all this snow. Except once. That was Fond du Lac. Never mind.

Blah blah blah blah blah and my parents just signed off on a new house, which they'll be moving into in June. It's in the country, sorta outside Evansville. We need to get their current house cleaned up so it's saleable, which is a daunting task. Their house is about 130 years old, and is in fine condition for it's age, but my mom inherited it from an aunt who never threw anything away. She was wheelchairbound and collected stuff, so there were little paths running between the piles of junk. We got rid of most of it, but the rest is family stuff that has never been sorted through, and we all know it'll be a bigger task than we expect it to. I promised I'd go home tomorrow and go through some of the stuff they're storing for me.

Anyway, I'm going to leave you with a message that was forwarded to me this afternoon. I'm sure you work with somebody who has to forward everything that ends up in her inbox, right? Yeah. That's who this message came from. She never sends anything good, just forwards of the "You're my friend because..." and "Communism is alive and well in the liberal media" varieties. I get no fewer than five of these from her every morning.

Before you read any further, please keep in mind that the woman I work with is taking this seriously. It's uh, probably a joke, but she doesn't realize that. Anyway, I cleaned up the ASCII (which had partial HTML tags in it) and paraphrased the headers, but otherwise it's verbatim. If you get bored with it, skip down to the mention of quarters.

From: The Most Annoying Woman in the World
To: Me 
Sent: Friday, February 06, 2004 1:23 PM
Subject: Fw: the all-american bald-eagel


please do this for ur country! i will be.........
 
 
 

This is the 
   \|/      AAA   LL     LL        AAA   M   M  EEEEE  RRRR   IIIII   CCCC   AAA   NN  N
   (0=,    AA AA  LL     LL       AA AA  MMMMM  EEEE   RR  R    I    CC     AA AA  NNN N
   _|_     AAAAA  LL     LL       AAAAA  MMMMM  EE     RRRR     I    CC     AAAAA  NN NN
  /|||\    AA AA  LLLLL  LLLLL    AA AA  MM MM  EEEEE  RR  R  IIIII   CCCC  AA AA  NN  N
 /|| |||\
vvv/ \vvv      ****    ***   **     ****         *****  ****    GGGGG  EEEEE  LL
   | |         ** **  ** **  **     ** **  ****  **    **  **  GG      EE     LL
   ^ ^         ****   *****  **     ** **  ****  ****  ******  GG GGG  EEEEE  LL
               ** **  ** **  **     ** **        **    **  **  GG  GG  EE     LL
               ****   ** **  *****  ****         ***** **  **   GGGG   EEEEE  LLLLLL



 THE ALL-AMERICAN BALD-EAGEL.

The all-american bald eagel is an Amercan symbol, like the Bible, the American flag, the mom,
and the apple pie. Yet some Americans choose not to defend our borders, and not to defend our
intrests in other parts of the world. These are Americans who would rather shave off the head
of the all-american bald eagel. These are Americans who would burn the flag, or else drop the
flag down into the mud. They would rather punch your mom than hug her. They would try to burn
the Bible instead of reading it. The popular movies American Pie, American Pie 2 and American
Wedding depinct a group of teenagers who are interested in performing perverse sexual stuents
with the American Apple Pie instead of eating it! Well the all-American Bald Eagel and I have
had enough! The country we live in might be the best country in all the world, but that gives
us no excuse to break down the moral fibers of our great nation. I say if you have got a beef
with the world, it is time to settle it. Thanks to George Bush Jr, the time for that has come
and the time for that... is now. Can there be any doubt in your mind that we are now citizens
of the leading country in the world? We just captured Saddam Husane! Where is the joy? Why is
the liberals in this ocuntry mad at us? It is no doubt in my mind: the bleading heart liberal
is a fungus. A beaste designed to sap out the wills of American people. Very good people like
you and me. Communism did not die with the fall of the Berlin wall. Eike Isenhauer would have
cried to see the country in this sorry state, and the All-American Bald-Eagel does cry if you
just believe. She cries for all the times she has warned us. She cries for all the times they
have tried to beat us down. The bleeding-heart liberals don't care! They do want to wreck our
great country from the inside. They teach our children in their schools, and they promote the
extra aid we give to the undeserving minorities among us. They try to make us sad for the gay
man who wants to get married, and the poor mother who says her race is the reason she has not
been able to give her child food. What is the truth? She is an addict of drugs and lies. Lies
spread my the liberal media and by its messengers. There is a poison there. A real venom that
scrubs at our moral views. In a time like the year 2004, when people are cynics and they will
believe any old lie the liberal media dowals out them, you need to send out symbolic ideas...
push people to the edge.There is a way to do this.You just need is a cotton ball and quarter.
If you have bleeding heart liberal friends, show them the truth and light by doing this. Take
in your hands a cotton ball and a quarter. Wet the cotton ball in the sink and hide it behind
the quarter. Now say to your friends "this is the All-American Bald-Eagel," and show them the
side of the quarter with the eagel on it. Say "Tell him what you think about the country that
we live in." If your friends are liberals they will tell the eagel how he has made of America
a bad place to live. They will speak lowly of our wars and of our people. They will try shame
as a way of talking about the great men that lead us. When they have finished say "this eagel
cries for your foolishness," and squeeze the cotton ball. Water will drip down like tears and
if they have any hearts at all your bleeding heart liberal friends will fall onto their knees
renouncing their stupidity and ridicule of the U.S.A. Some of the liberals out there are more
under the spell of non-patriatism than others and may try to tell you your playing a trick on
them, or that America is still a sham. Well these people are lost souls so you will never get
thru to them. This is a way of convincing people that works on nearly any body as long as you
play it off legitimately. There are other ways to do it too. If your friend is a wickan, turn
the quarter to show the other side, for the head side of a quarter depicts Venus, the goddess
of love. If your friend has dark skin, use a piece of tissue and a penny, for a penny shows a
darker face than the one on a quarter. Those unsueded by the crying tears would be better off
left to their own devices to die in ignorance. They are not to be saluting the American flag.

REMEMBER: WHEN A FLAG GOES BY IN A PARADE, WHY IS IT ONLY THE VETERANS STAND UP? THE WORLD IS
IN THE HANDS OF THE YOUNG GENERATION NOW. THAT IS YOUR GENERATION. THAT IS WHY I USE EMAIL TO
GET THIS ADVICE ACROST TO YOU. USE IT TO ITS FULLEST, FOR YOU MAY NEED IT. MAY THE USA GO ON. 

Current Mood: weirdweird
Current Music: The Sugarplastic -- Don't Look Down

(7 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:r3507
Date:February 7th, 2004 06:42 am (UTC)

<b>LIAR!!!</b>

(Link)
Soup has not been cancelled! Soup LIVES! Free the soup!

Incidentally, Colin, I have question for you...
[User Picture]
From:sacredspud
Date:February 7th, 2004 03:15 pm (UTC)

Re: <b>LIAR!!!</b>

(Link)
Uh, okay... Is it a specific question? Or can I just pick any question and answer it?
[User Picture]
From:r3507
Date:February 7th, 2004 05:45 pm (UTC)

The $64,000 question(s) is(are)...

(Link)
Is it soup yet? Colin, is it soup yet? Can I have some soup? I'd really like some soup! Could I have some soup? Is it soup yet? Did you make carrot soup? With onions? I want some carrot soup with onions! Has it been canceled? It hasn't been canceled? You're lying, you just made soup! Is it soup yet? I want some soup! I'd really, really like some soup now, Colin! Is it...

Etc, etc.
[User Picture]
From:tlhinganhom
Date:February 7th, 2004 03:06 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Jeebus craphole! You ought to forward it back to her with a virus or something.
[User Picture]
From:ribsinbacon
Date:February 7th, 2004 05:37 pm (UTC)
(Link)
You should complain about her using her email for non work use. She'd stop then.
[User Picture]
From:sacredspud
Date:February 7th, 2004 11:26 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I've thought about that, but there's only so much hipocrisy I can get away with at work.
[User Picture]
From:ribsinbacon
Date:February 7th, 2004 11:44 pm (UTC)

Re:

(Link)
well send an anonymous complaint to her supervisor, heh heh heh.
Garmonbozia for the soul.

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