Colin Timothy Gagnon (sacredspud) wrote,
Colin Timothy Gagnon

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Of monsters, movies, and monster movies

Oh my God. Did you see her MySpace headline? It says, 'yes, the twins are real.' That girl is pure trash. Pure trash. I wouldn't even kick her in the face. Oh, my God, she looks like an aborted garbage can. She looks like a piece of dirt. I can't believe a guy would mess around with that skank. Oh, my God, what a gutter urchin. I can't believe, she just thinks she is the cat's freakin' meow. What a little slut. I'd kill her. Shoot her in the face. Right in the face. She has all these queer-ass pictures. They're gross. She's dancing with all these guys and... what? They're gross. Oh, my God, they're gross. Are you on her MySpace now? Oh my God, isn't it whorey?*
...and so on.

The conversation transcribed above has been going on in the next cubicle for almost an hour. I'm not even sure that our temps are allowed to use the phone, let alone make long social calls. I'm not allowed to make long social calls from my desk. It's still happening, and I could transcribe more of it for you, but neither of us really wants that. The headphones are in, and I'm not listening anymore.

Anyway, the last weekend was really good. I spent most of it out of town, having left on Friday morning for Northwestern University's B-Fest with matt_william, evil_jim, agaysexicon, and fuzzyinthehead. B-Fest, for those who've forgotten since last year's B-Fest post, is a 24-hour festival of science fiction and horror films. Not all are technically B-movies (well, most aren't, actually), but they generally have the same type of appeal.

B-Fest starts at 6:00 PM on Friday and runs until roughly the same time on Saturday, and I usually end up passing out intermittently in the small hours of the morning. No so this year. I blame my diet. We always stop on the way down at Mitsuwa Marketplace, which is a Japanese mall. Generally we stock up on junk food there, but this year I brought a bunch trail mix, apples, broccoli, and hummus sandwiches, which probably helped to keep me awake better than a diet of shrimp chips and apple gummies would have. Good thing, too; the schedule looked pretty promising:
Dracula's Daughter
The Wizard of Speed and Time
Plan 9 From Outer Space
Black Samson
The Magic Sword
The Blue Bird
The Mummy's Hand
The Undying Monster
The Creature Walks Among Us
Empire of the Ants Lone Wolf McQuaid
Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla

I did crash once we got to the hotel, but I must have gotten under three hours of sleep between Thursday and Saturday nights. I ended up sleeping through parts of Zardoz (with which I'm already very familiar), The Magic Sword (which I've seen before and don't care for), and The Blue Bird (to which I took an immediate dislike). I ate lunch during part of The Undying Monster (no big loss), and disliked The Creature Walks Among Us and Lone Wolf McQuaid, which are the final chapter of the exceptionally dull Black Lagoon trilogy and a Chuck Norris movie brought in to replace Empire of the Ants (which was damaged or something), respectively. Otherwise, it was a great time. The high points were Dracula's Daughter, which is just good ol' plain, black and white horror fare, Black Samson, which is one of the better little-known blaxploitation films I've seen, and Xanadu, and Barbarella, which are infamous in their cheesy datedness, but otherwise really fun little films.

I had a really great time at B-Fest this year, and hope that subsequent years will be equally good. There's always a question as how good the next year's program will be because a couple of years ago, the organizers (apparently) forgot that B-movies are not necessarily bad movies. Even with fun movies, 24 hours is a serious endurance test, and there's a world of difference between Glen or Glenda (fun and bad) and Superbabies 2: Baby Geniuses (just bad).

I was wide awake and in a good mood when I got home on Sunday afternoon, and then I had MLK day off, which made for a nice, long weekend.

Last night I went with evil_jim to see Cloverfield, and I'm in the "Loved It" camp. The reviews seem to be pretty polarized between "it's a masterpiece" and "it's a load of crap." I've sort of missed all the viral marketing because (with the exception of livejournal) the websites I frequent don't really disseminate that sort of thing, but if you've seen the trailers, you know what it is. For the benefit of my parents, Cloverfield is a realtime document of a monster attack on New York City. Imagine Godzilla by way of The Blair Witch Project. It's completely predictable, and so it's surprising that the movie is also totally engrossing and exciting. The adrenaline-pumping excitement probably won't hold up to repeat viewings, but I'm also fascinated by the realtime aspect of the film. It's not one continuous shot, but it might as well be. All of the missing time is accounted for, and everything we see is presented through the lens of a handheld camera. It's a really fascinating way to tell a story, but I hope it doesn't spawn a fad of fictitious disaster documentaries.

Uh, I'm digressing, though. You should go see it. Or if you get motion sickness, maybe you should wait until you can Netflix it.

Anyway, it's 5:00, and that means my workday is over. Since we're talking about movies, I'll leave you with another transcript of one of my coworkers. This is actually from a few months ago. She was trying to explain the movie Office Space to someone who hadn't seen it, and I started copying her words almost immediately:
"There's people in an office where they beat up the copier machine, and there's a guy who no one likes so they move him to and fro around the office so nobody can see him, and his boss hates him so he takes away the man's red stapler and they suspend him from payroll because he's lost in the basement. I could watch that movie over and over."
Maybe she should watch it over and over, just so she can understand what it's about.

* I just read this to Lindsay, and she translated it as "I'm so jealous! My ass is huge! Why does she get all the guys? Where did I put my ice cream?!" Guess I need to learn to read between the lines.
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