Colin Timothy Gagnon (sacredspud) wrote,
Colin Timothy Gagnon

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Dick Wolf presents Training for Terrorists

I have a jar on my desk which is labelled "401K". It is full of pennies.

At least, it's supposed to be full of pennies.

Today I got in to work, and it was empty. No big deal. The only coins I ever drop into the jar are pennies, and when it is completely full, it probably holds twenty dollars in change. Possibly less. In three years, I have cashed it out once, and that was a few months ago. And I know I've been using the phrase "full of pennies" up to this point, but "full" as of yesterday evening was somewhere around a dollar.

Anyway, this morning it was empty, which is mildly annoying. I put the pennies in the jar more to be rid of them than to save them, but the absence of the pennies means that somebody's been at my desk screwing around with my stuff. My annoyance turned to delight when I saw that someone had used them to decorate the desk of a coworker who called in sick. The pennies are spread over the surface of the desk and standing on edge. This must have taken a fair amount of time to set up, and keeping the pennies in place until he comes in tomorrow will be quite a chore.

Sadly, I can't send you a photo of this, because the self-appointed Office Gestapo (not her official title) informs me that the camera on my PDA constitutes -- not kidding here -- a "breach of Homeland Security", especially if I share the photo online. I asked her how this is a matter of national importance, and she explained that the layout of our office could be extrapolated from the blurry, close-up, 1.3 megapixel image. When I said that the view would likely be confined only to a small portion of the cubicle, she called me naive and said that any idiot with Photoshop could enhance the image to determine the serial numbers on the phone, computer, and locked cabinets. I asked her if she thought they'd be able to discern the year embossed on each coin, and she said "we're catching terrorists, not numismatists!"

After laughing hysterically at her own joke, she said, "seriously, put the camera away. I won't report you, but put it away and don't take it out again."

I went back to my desk to find look up the definition of numismatist.

In any case, I'd like to remind anyone out there who takes prime-time cop shows too seriously that image enhancement doesn't work that way, although you can use Photoshop's gamma correction tools to see up people's skirts.
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