Colin Timothy Gagnon (sacredspud) wrote,
Colin Timothy Gagnon

Can you knock off $5?

Tired. I am tired. Very, very tired. But I'm not going to go to bed. Oh, no. I'm going to post to my livejournal, and then I'll probably watch Crystal Force II.

Anyway, what have I done since last night? Well... Ellen and I hung out before Rocky Horror last night. We had dinner and shared hectic Christmas stories blah blah blah blah blah blah blah went to Rocky, and hung out with the cast at Country Kitchen afterward. All in all it was a good night.

I'd promised evil_jim that I'd call him this morning and we'd get together, so after far too little sleep, I worked up the strength to get out of bed and give him a call. Since he had a coupon for $5 off a $15 (or more) lunch or dinner purchase at Quattro's, we decided to go on a road trip. The food was good, and the lamps above the tables are all connected (so if you swing one, they all jiggle), but the dining experience was slightly marred by the fact that Jim kept telling our waitress that I needed more napkins, and his insistence on having me recite facts about medieval dining practices ("Colin, why is it rude to put your elbows on the table?" "Because it consumes too much space. Eat your parmesan."). I had the Salsa Platter. Jim had the Too Much Parmesan.

After the meal, the waitress pointed out that the coupon had expired on December 24th. Actually, we'd been aware of this, but we hoped we could get them to honor the coupon anyway, which most restaurants will do. She refused, and the following conversation ensued:

Jim: But you've been so nice to us. Can you knock off $5?
Waitress: No.
Jim: Well... you stopped bringing Colin napkins after the sixth one. Can you knock off $5?
Waitress: No.
Jim: But we ran out of parmesan. Can you knock off $5?
Waitress: No.
Jim: Well um, all you brought us to drink was water.
Waitress: Well um, all you asked for to drink was water.
Jim: Touche.
Waitress: I'm not knocking off $5.
Jim: Okay, now you're just being rude. Can you knock off $5?
Waitress: No.
Jim: Could you knock off $5 for being so argumentative?
Waitress: No.

This conversation probably lasted a good ten minutes, and we still had to pay the full ammount. It's okay though -- Jim "accidentally" knocked over one of their pointsettias on the way out. Well, okay. It was an actual genuine accident. But it was a retaliatory one.

We stopped at a bookstore on the way home, and then Jim decided to take a detour. I thought he was going to fill up the gas tank at Herbie's, but instead he pulled up to the drive-thru and had one of the strangest conversations I've ever heard:

John Q. Drive-thru: Welcome to Herbie's. May I interest you in our new bac-- ah, bacon ranch turkey sandwich?
Jim: Hello.
John Q. Drive-thru: Hello?
Jim: Hello. My name is Jim.
John Q. Drive-thru: ...hi...
Jim: Hello. I just came from the used book store.
John Q. Drive-thru: ...
Jim: We were just browsing, and now I'm hungry. I would like an order of curly fries.
John Q. Drive-thru: Okay, that's one order of curly fries. Anything else?
Jim: Could you do a dance for me?
John Q. Drive-thru:
Jim: That would cost me extra, huh?
John Q. Drive-thru: Ah, yeah.
Jim: Okay. I'll just have the curly fries then.
John Q. Drive-thru: That'll be $1.78. Please drive up to the window.

Jim swears that my presence is the only reason he did this, but I don't believe him. Either way, it must have distracted the Drive-thru Guy, because Jim paid with a $2 bill, and got an extra dollar back. Jim's big on $2 bills -- he folds them into origami to leave as a tip whenever he goes out. I've promised myself that one of these days I'll go to the bank and ask for $100 in $2 bills, but this has yet to happen.

Anyway, amusing ourselves with the Drive-thru Guy reminded me of when I was young(er) and stupid(er), and my friends and I used to call random numbers to have conversations with whomever picked up. I have fond memories of posing as "Colin from the International Potato Board," and requesting that people "say no to cucumber french fries in next Tuesday's referendum." I also remember dialing a wrong number and having a long conversation with a guy who didn't know who Rick was, but thought I should hire an assassin to kill him. As much fun as this was, it's illegal enough that I'm not planning to start again.

I'm sorry. I'm just rambling. It's what I'm good at, though. Doesn't matter -- I'm done now. I'm going to post this and watch that deplorable movie.
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