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May 23rd, 2006

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11:22 pm - "...and only a few of them are transvestites."
The internal website where I work has a section where our CEO answers submitted to him by employees. I doubt he answers all (or even most) of the questions he gets because I just know that he gets inundated with every inane "Why do I have to pay 70¢ to get a candy bar out of the vending machine?" and "Why can't we have a selection of scented hand soaps in the bathrooms?" More likely he only posts answers that either make the company look good or quell malcontent gossip (hence the occasional "I spoke with your manager's manager's manager, and she says that you are compensated fairly and competitively. Therefore, I think you will find that you are compensated fairly and competitively.").

Frank's* answers are usually full of quotable P.R. rhetoric. The simplest yes or no answer is stated as a "Thank you for your question," followed by a minimum of a hundred words about who answered the question for him, how they arrived at this particular answer, and so on. They read like mini-press releases.

The most recent edition of Ask Frank!** features a question about the lamp posts in the parking lot at one of the Milwaukee-area locations:
"Is it possible that the lamp posts could be covered with some sort of low-friction plastic to avoid damage to vehicles? Even the smallest dent or scratch can cost a great deal to repair."
Frank's eloquent, soundbyte-worthy, hundred plus-word response?
"At this time there is no plan to cover the lamp posts in plastic."
"Stop driving like an idiot, idiot."

* Actually his real name.

** Not its real title.
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: 1337band -- Surprise Funn

(3 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:May 24th, 2006 04:36 am (UTC)

A minor tangent?

Teflon-coating the light posts is a bit much to ask in a corporate workplace. I would have been happy if my former employer had repaired the outdoor lights so they wouldn't randomly blink off & on all night... Or maybe it wasn't random. It's happened enough that I could accurately estimate a 90% chance that the light I usually parked under would go out as I walked to my car after my shift each night. This really mystifies me because I could sit outside for 15 minutes on break & have nothing happen while I watched, & yet it would still turn off during the 30 seconds between the front door & my car.
[User Picture]
Date:May 24th, 2006 03:54 pm (UTC)

Re: A minor tangent?

The immense emotional release you must feel after work probably overheats the lamp, and it shuts off.

I was telling Mary earlier about how that sort of thing seems to happen to me a lot, especially when I'm emotionally charged.

[User Picture]
Date:May 25th, 2006 03:18 pm (UTC)
Low-friction? Are these lamp posts in the middle of where you drive? I would have just asked for the poles to be moved to a location ouside the parking lot and to have the lights hung from cables instead. ;)
"...and only a few of them are transvestites." - Garmonbozia for the soul. — LiveJournal

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