April 9th, 2006
|11:31 pm - Sledgehammer Party Redux|
Parts of this weekend were great. On Friday I had dinner with tempermemad and Ellen, and then went back to their new apartment for a good conversation. I didn't go home until a quarter to late. On Sunday, my sister and I went to our parents' house. I photographed puppies and went to choir practice.
Then there's what happened between Friday and Sunday. I'm sorry, but this is going to be one of those vague, short posts that I tend to make where I hint at all sorts of horrifying things happening under the placid surface of my life, but never actually reveal anything.
There was a party on Saturday night, and all manner of scandalous things happened (to other people, not to me). It's funny. I always have a bad time at parties given by this social group. I go home depressed and the next morning I'm sure that I'll never attend another one. I thought that this was a problem specific to me, but it sounds like everyone is going through it this time. People are seceding from the social group. Other people have vowed never to post to livejournal again.
The last time I heard about a party like this one, it was written by rob_matsushita, and ended with the participants dousing themselves in gasoline and lighting a cigarette.
It'll be interesting to see what happens next, and whether the group holds together. Hard to say whether anybody has pulled a lesson out of all of this. One hopes so, but I keep making the same mistakes over and over, and I don't see anybody else doing any better.
Confidential to those who attended Saturday night's party: Please do not douse yourselves in gasoline.
Current Mood: stressed
Current Music: King Crimson -- Lark's Tongues in Aspic
Somehow I doubt many people other than you had to contend with your schedule and the drive down to Illinois, but I might be wrong.
Anyway, I, personally, am not mad at you
(or anybody in particular, really). I don't think that anybody who went home unhappy went home unhappy for the same reasons. My reasons for feeling bad about parties within this group are essentially that
- I don't come to social events for the emotional abuse, but that's always what happens with this group.
- I'm watching members of this group beat their heads against the wall (figuratively speaking) over and over and over. They're miserable and they're usually not paying enough attention even to realize that they're miserable, let alone figure out why. Luna's post sums it up really well, and though I'm sure I'm just as guilty in her eyes as everybody else, I can see the problem, I can see how it's perpetuating, and I can see that it's taxing some people's emotions and stunting the emotional maturity of others. And I can't deal with it.
I'm not leaving the group entirely (frankly, you
will probably not see me any less than you already are), but I need to distance myself. I say this every time I'm driving home, but it never happens. I am hoping really hard that this weekend will serve as a cautionary reminder where my personal resolutions have failed.
Good points. Luna's too. I wish I knew a way I could discuss them with her further that didn't require LiveJournal (or MySpace) because I'm honestly intrigued by her (I believe) fairly accurate perception. Well, there's more to it too, but I'm trying my best not to air anyone's dirty laundry -- mine or anyone else's -- as publicly as others already have. That, and tell her that aremisasling
wants to apologize for being so snippy.
I wish I knew better what you were/are unhappy about, but I understand if you don't want to mention it here.
Yeah... I don't want to air anybody's dirty laundry either, and I always feel really weird about making posts like this. In fact, I always feel weird posting about emotions because I'm afraid I'll come off sounding like a 13-year old who's using teh intarnets!!!!1!!one hundred eleven million, one hundred eleven thousand one hundred eleven!!!!
I can't speak for Luna, but I don't think she'd be too offended if you contacted her (not that I could give you her phone number, because I don't know it). I think, just at the moment, that I would like to confine my own personal statements to the ones above and a reiteration that you are not (at least directly) one of the people annoying me right now.
OMG GASOLINE!!!!111(one trillillion onehundredeleven-- aw hell, you already beat me to it...)
I'm not saying this to make you feel worse but this hurts my feelings quite a lot and I for one haven't had net access until today.
I know that it hurts you, and I'm sorry that it does. The feelings I've expressed here and in conversation with other people are not new. They're just surfacing now because apparently I'm not the only one who's feeling them.
Not from you, but yes. Lots of it.