April 9th, 2006
|11:31 pm - Sledgehammer Party Redux|
Parts of this weekend were great. On Friday I had dinner with tempermemad and Ellen, and then went back to their new apartment for a good conversation. I didn't go home until a quarter to late. On Sunday, my sister and I went to our parents' house. I photographed puppies and went to choir practice.
Then there's what happened between Friday and Sunday. I'm sorry, but this is going to be one of those vague, short posts that I tend to make where I hint at all sorts of horrifying things happening under the placid surface of my life, but never actually reveal anything.
There was a party on Saturday night, and all manner of scandalous things happened (to other people, not to me). It's funny. I always have a bad time at parties given by this social group. I go home depressed and the next morning I'm sure that I'll never attend another one. I thought that this was a problem specific to me, but it sounds like everyone is going through it this time. People are seceding from the social group. Other people have vowed never to post to livejournal again.
The last time I heard about a party like this one, it was written by rob_matsushita, and ended with the participants dousing themselves in gasoline and lighting a cigarette.
It'll be interesting to see what happens next, and whether the group holds together. Hard to say whether anybody has pulled a lesson out of all of this. One hopes so, but I keep making the same mistakes over and over, and I don't see anybody else doing any better.
Confidential to those who attended Saturday night's party: Please do not douse yourselves in gasoline.
Current Mood: stressed
Current Music: King Crimson -- Lark's Tongues in Aspic
After reading a few select posts (from people that were there much later than I was), I've decided that I'm damn glad I left when I did.
Oh, and I vow to never hose myself in gasoline.
It seems like the people who had the strongest reactions one way or the other were the ones to hit the presses first. The rest of us are kind if still taking it all in and thinking about how to respond.
But you'll notice that it's nearly two days after the fact and the people "still taking it all in and thinking about how to respond" haven't done so yet. And we may have talked to different people.
I dunno. I guess my point is that I would have felt like this after the party regardless of what happened, but it's really interesting to see so many people go home in my shoes. Feeling like this is why I it's sort of a rarity for me to hang out with this group. A few years ago (let's call it mid-2001), I left the group almost completely, and I think that after two years of constantly being reminded of why I shouldn't hang out with these people, it might be time for me to limit my contact again.
Well, if any of "those people" are like me, then they haven't had net access for several days, and only drove home this morning to get to work on time after a loooooong Sunday.
Speaking of which, the Internet sucks for this sort of discussion, so I'm kind of loathe to be using it even now. I fear this will be inevitable in the long run, however.
Somehow I doubt many people other than you had to contend with your schedule and the drive down to Illinois, but I might be wrong.
Anyway, I, personally, am not mad at you
(or anybody in particular, really). I don't think that anybody who went home unhappy went home unhappy for the same reasons. My reasons for feeling bad about parties within this group are essentially that
- I don't come to social events for the emotional abuse, but that's always what happens with this group.
- I'm watching members of this group beat their heads against the wall (figuratively speaking) over and over and over. They're miserable and they're usually not paying enough attention even to realize that they're miserable, let alone figure out why. Luna's post sums it up really well, and though I'm sure I'm just as guilty in her eyes as everybody else, I can see the problem, I can see how it's perpetuating, and I can see that it's taxing some people's emotions and stunting the emotional maturity of others. And I can't deal with it.
I'm not leaving the group entirely (frankly, you
will probably not see me any less than you already are), but I need to distance myself. I say this every time I'm driving home, but it never happens. I am hoping really hard that this weekend will serve as a cautionary reminder where my personal resolutions have failed.
Good points. Luna's too. I wish I knew a way I could discuss them with her further that didn't require LiveJournal (or MySpace) because I'm honestly intrigued by her (I believe) fairly accurate perception. Well, there's more to it too, but I'm trying my best not to air anyone's dirty laundry -- mine or anyone else's -- as publicly as others already have. That, and tell her that aremisasling
wants to apologize for being so snippy.
I wish I knew better what you were/are unhappy about, but I understand if you don't want to mention it here.
Yeah... I don't want to air anybody's dirty laundry either, and I always feel really weird about making posts like this. In fact, I always feel weird posting about emotions because I'm afraid I'll come off sounding like a 13-year old who's using teh intarnets!!!!1!!one hundred eleven million, one hundred eleven thousand one hundred eleven!!!!
I can't speak for Luna, but I don't think she'd be too offended if you contacted her (not that I could give you her phone number, because I don't know it). I think, just at the moment, that I would like to confine my own personal statements to the ones above and a reiteration that you are not (at least directly) one of the people annoying me right now.
OMG GASOLINE!!!!111(one trillillion onehundredeleven-- aw hell, you already beat me to it...)
I'm not saying this to make you feel worse but this hurts my feelings quite a lot and I for one haven't had net access until today.
I know that it hurts you, and I'm sorry that it does. The feelings I've expressed here and in conversation with other people are not new. They're just surfacing now because apparently I'm not the only one who's feeling them.
Not from you, but yes. Lots of it.