My birthday isn't until June, by the way, and they know it.
I said yes, and they strung up garlands and streamers and that tacky "Over the Hill" banner everyone hates so much while I finished up my workday. Incidentally, I think I got more work done in that ten minutes (with my boss hovering over me) than I had in any one of the preceding seven hours.
They finished it off by gift wrapping a banana for me and writing "Happy Birthday, Colin! Cake by window." on our dry-erase board. I was a little worried about "Cake by window" because it sort of gives the joke away. There are a couple of people in the department who never forget to send a card around a few days before a birthday, and though my boss might have been able to trick them into thinking that she remembered my birthday at the last minute, the unfulfilled promise of cake would have exposed the ruse. It did, of course, but everybody didn't catch on right away.
Somebody thought to send around a card, and what's really funny about it is that a gullible few must not have noticed that it's of the "get well soon" variety, so the card has a few signatures from people who sincerely think it's my birthday. I know they think it's my birthday because I've had to clear that up for some of them.
Anyway, here are some of the better signatures from everybody else:
- Best wishes and hope you find true bliss with your newest wife!
- Don't worry, the rash will go away eventually.
- Colin, you're a jerk! Hope your birthday sucks!
- Merry Christmas!
- Remember: It's not mean if it's hilarious.
- Years from now, whatever ills may have befallen you, at least you can look back at how much better life used to be. Actually, that's kind of a downer. Never mind.
- What, one birthday isn't enough for you? Does that mean you get to retire earlier too?