“Greetings. I am making this voice post from Northwestern University's B-Fest. That's the B Movie Festival. I really don't know what to say because I've been up for almost 24 hours, and uh, I'm gonna be up for another 15 hours at least.
Tonight I have withstood: Superman IV; The Creature From The Black Lagoon in 3D; the 1998 remake of Godzilla which actually was the most difficult thing that I've had to sit through; and numerous other classics of dubious quality. Um, what else? Oh, we've watched a few short films. Especially notable was Knights On Bikes, which is exactly what it sounds like: people in suits of armor... on bicycles. Uh, but the evening has been broken up by some entertaining stuff. We watched the original live-action stop-motion animated film The Wizard Of Speed And Time which is undoubtedly the happiest thing ever committed to celluloid. Also, Plan 9 From Outer Space was played at midnight; that's always entertaining. Right now we are watching a movie called Gas-s-s-s... which, uh, has the hallmark of being produced and directed by Roger Corman, a fine fine director who cannot actually be described as "fine, fine." Um, as far as I can tell the plot of this film is as follows: it's 1970, the music sucks, the government has released some kind of gas into the air which kills everyone over 25, the local college football team is the gestapo, and even the screenwriter doesn't know what the movie is about. That's why I'm out here in the lobby making this phone post. Um, what else? Oh. Up next I think we have Tromeo And Juliet, which is one of the few Troma movies that I'll sit through. Um, I am in dire need of rest right now. I caught a little bit of shut-eye during the movie Coffy in the parts where Pam Grier wasn't naked, and uh, will probably catch some more later in the day during, uh, Baby Geniuses 2 because I don't really want to see Baby Geniuses 2.
Anyway, I'm going to go back inside, but uh, hope your evening has been less, uh, well... let's just say that this is an ordeal and leave it at that. Anyway, I'm gonna press the pound key, listen to my message to see that it recorded, and go back into the movie. Hope you're having a great day, or great evening, or great whatever time of the day you're listening to this. Buh bye.”