Colin Timothy Gagnon (sacredspud) wrote,
Colin Timothy Gagnon

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You've got crap! In a stocking!

This morning I got my Stocking of Crap from

I guess I should explain this: Every day, starting at midnight CST, Woot sells one item until they run out of it. They've sold everything from video cards to bread makers, iPods to Merlot. A few times a year they sell what they call a Bag of Crap: $8 for a bag with three items in it ("in" as in "packaged beside"), one bag per customer. The items are chosen at random from whatever they have laying around that either didn't sell, won't sell, or that they don't have enough of to justify devoting an entire day to. Bag of Crap usually sells out a few minutes after midnight because while most people report getting nothing of consequence in their Bag of Crap, a few people get a hard drive or a TiVo or the ten-disc Über-Edition of The Matrix trilogy.

I usually find out about the Bag of Crap around 9:00 AM, but I managed this time to snag one. I happened to realize on Christmas Eve that I was online and it was practically midnight, so I checked out Woot, saw that they were selling a stocking, and put myself down for one. As I said, it arrived this morning, just before I left for work.

So what's in a Stocking of Crap? Nothing. The stocking came in a sealed, plastic bag. On top of it, however, were the following items:
  • Fact or Crap 2006 Desk Calendar: This is a calendar which presents a new true/false question every day. Actually, this is pretty cool. I needed a calendar for work, and even discounted they'll cost at least $8.00 for the next couple of weeks.

  • Panda Express stuffed panda: This comes with a little tag thanking me for donating to children's charities. I could display it and make everybody think I'm more generous and affluent than I actually am, but I'd also be advertising that I eat at Panda Express, which is sub par, even in the realm of pseudo-Asian fast food. It's at home and I'm at work, so I can't check to see whether it was handmade in New Jersey by volunteers, or handmade in Thailand by seven-year-olds. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt, but I think I'm going to cut the tags off and give it to Goodwill.

  • Virgin VP-05 Personal CD Player: Also cool. My last personal CD player died almost five years ago, and it's hard to justify a new one when I also have a fantastic MP3 player. This one will come in handy in the car, though, and has the added bonus of being endorsed by my personal hero, the late Richard Branson who lets me call him Ricky, but only because he doesn't know I do it. Kids, see if you can find the two lies in that sentence.
Anyway, I'm gonna get back to work, but I'll leave you with the first three pages of the calendar:
January 1: Recycling one glass jar saves enough energy to watch TV for three hours. Fact. That's the same amount of energy required to run a 15-watt energy efficient lightbulb for 24 hours.

January 2: In 1997, former President Clinton was sued by Monica Lewinsky for defamation of character. Crap, though a lawyer in Cairo filed suit against Clinton because apparently Zippergate made it impossible for him to raise moral children. Uh huh.

January 3: Your body creates and kills 17 million red blood cells per minute. Crap. Actually, it creates and kills 17 million per second. Wait, so that's a misleadingly-stated fact, right?
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