December 28th, 2005
|11:10 pm - ...and as if yesterday's post wasn't enough:|
I found a small box on the table tonight when I got home. It had been delivered with the mail.
ribsinbacon found it, couldn't figure out to whom it belonged, and left it for me and RJ to sort out.
Here's a scan of the address label:
Now... we get a lot of mail for the previous tenants, but I'm pretty sure this person has never lived at this address. Still, if Mr. (or Ms., I guess) McWiggins wants to collect his/her Trojan® Mint Tingle™ Brand Latex Condom, he/she is welcome to it.
There's also a letter in the package (yeah, so I opened a package addressed to a nonexistent person. Oops.) which discusses just how great Trojan® Brand Latex Condoms are. It contains the following sentence:
If you did not request this sample, please notify us in writing at the below address and we will ensure a sample cannot be requested in your name in the future[.]I am amused -- not surprised, but amused -- that they need to state this. What does surprise me is that the free sample was obviously requested online for our address, and that Trojan's software does not filter out dubious names. Back when I was in school, one of my first programming assignments was to check a mailing list against a database of words that could constitute fake or joke names, and flag the ones that might not belong to real people. We were led to believe that this is a common feature in software that generates mass mailings, and I know for a fact that some of the banks I work with do this. Funny that this one got through -- I'm sure that everybody that offers free condoms gets constantly bombarded by erroneous requests.
Anyway, there was going to be a serious entry this evening. Poignant, articulate, enlightening -- everything I like to pretend that you've come to expect from my journal. Unfortunately, I just can't do it. The address on the package derailed that particular train of thought, and now I can't even stop talking in falsetto.
I'm not sure what that has to do with anything.
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Eels -- All In a Day's Work
I wouldn't mind the mint tingle latex condom that was enclosed. Not that I'm going to use it for it's standard purpose (balloons)...
Be careful blowing it up, though. There are all kinds of warnings on the package about cancer-causing artificial sweeteners.
I'm not going to blow it up...I don't think I'd want to put it near my mouth with those cancer-causing sweeteners.
Wow, between that and the text message about Sean's anus, it sounds like you've had a series of kind of weird and random things happen to you recently. Keep an eye on your laundry.
Those damn novelty condoms never seem to come in extra-large. That pisses me off.
Stuff like this seems to gang up on me and happen all at once. It's been awhile, so I'm probably just due for this again.
As for your second point, you're not bragging on Michael's behalf, are you?
Wait. You know what? Don't answer that.
Just for the record, I'm not going to answer that.
|Date:||December 29th, 2005 05:20 am (UTC)|| |
That reminds me of a similar, yet funnier story. When me and Keith were living in Milton, I brought in a package that was by all the mailboxes, it had the name Keith on it and Keith's always getting large packages in the mail, usually computer parts. Later that day Keith opened the box, it was a pickel shaped vibrator. We were both...surpised and on closer inspection we realized the guy upstairs was also a Keith and it was...his. Now, how to repackage it to make it look like nobody had messed with his...toy? We taped it back up and left it in the spot where I found it, hopefully he doesn't know.
That's really funny. As I recall, you guys never got along with any of your neighbors... wonder if this had anything to do with it.
Did you ever invite him over for a cookout ... you know, just so you could offer him a Vlasic with his brat or burger?
That comment is actually really funny, and not for reasons that you intended or are even aware of.