June 9th, 2004

Wedding day

Ketchup is a vegetable.

I've been thinking about the preposterous idea of swapping Hamilton for Reagan on the ten dollar bill, and I have a better suggestion.

I think we should stick Clinton on something. I'll avoid the obvious "let's put him on the one dollar bill since singles are the preferred currency of strippers" joke (see how I cunningly worked the joke in there anyway? I'm so brilliantly subtle.), but I think we should bump Franklin off the hundred and slap Bill's face on there. After all, Benjamin Franklin wasn't even a president. Besides, having Franklin on the hundred just adds more clout to the pro-Reagan argument:

Congressman A: How can you possibly elevate Reagan to the same level of historic significance as Washington, Jackson and Lincoln?
Congressman B: Hey, don't forget, Franklin's on the c-note. He wasn't even a president.
Congressman A: I can't believe this. Next you'll want to stick a chick on the quarter.
Congressman B: Um, there already is a chick on the quarter.
Congressman A: Uh, no, that's George Washington.
Congressman B: Oh man, I always thought that was an ugly chick!
Mark Russell: (singing) That... that... Dude looks like a lady!
Congressmen A & B: You're not funny.
Mark Russell: I know.
Minus six points to anybody know both knows who Mark Russell is and thinks he's funny.

I also think we should replace the "E PLURIBUS UNUM" on all our curency with "HEY, WE ALL GOTTA LIVE SOMEWHERE." Maybe adopt "The gateway to Canada" as our national motto.
  • Current Music
    Wade -- Ben Franklin