Colin Timothy Gagnon (sacredspud) wrote,
Colin Timothy Gagnon
sacredspud

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Housewarming party, my antisocial tendencies, and other people's psycho ex-girlfriends.

The problem with having a big potluck at your house is that you tend to end up with a ridiculous amount of leftover food. Granted, most people wouldn't consider this a problem, but most people understand proper food handling and storage techniques better than three 25-year-olds. We currently have an box of uncooked bratwurst, open and uncovered, on the top shelf of our fridge. The chances of contamination are astronomically small (depending, I suppose, on your definition of "astronomical"), but anyone who's ever worked with food should be able to find two health code violations there. Three if I speculate as to how long the brats were on the counter before they wound up in the fridge.

Oh yes, for those who weren't invited, ribsinbacon, RJ and I had a housewarming party on Saturday. I'm terribly sorry that you weren't included in the invitation, but, well, I'm a jerk. Though I don't hate parties, I've never lived with people whose friends I could relate to, and I thought it best to carefully choose my potential guests so that I would either be able to hang out with a small number of people I know, or retreat to my room.

Besides, some of you live in California. Or Washington. Or Australia. Or were visiting Japan.

agaysexicon and fuzzyinthehead were the first people to show up, and we mostly hung out downstairs watching the movie Benny and Joon. We had a pleasant time, and I really like getting together with Nick and Liz, but the downside of our little antisocial alliance (not that they wanted to be antisocial, it just worked out that way) is that when they left, I went upstairs and tried in vain to relate to the LARPers Ribs and RJ had invited.

I do not understand LARPers. At all. LARPers on my friends list -- roleplayers in general -- might take offense to that, but it's true. LARPers tend to be social outcasts on one level or another, and once they get into a clique, they no longer have to make allowances for the rest of the world. They indulge in their own personality quirks and intellectual pursuits to such a degree as to make the conversation nearly impenetrable to an outsider like myself. My social group is just as guilty of this, and just RJs friends would have a hard time joining my discussion of H.P. Lovecraft, I had a hard time finding footing in Saturday's group discussion about martial arts, and using one's mustache as a helicopter. This is what they were talking about. I was totally lost, which is too bad since the cute bartender from RJ works with was right there. No, I'm kidding. She's cute, but (for reasons which will be painfully obvious to my close friends) I can't imagine a bartender being my type.

Eventually theenigma42 called me, got directions to our place, and came over with lord_alucard. We hung out for awhile and reminisced with RJ about the Days of Olde (summer, 1999), when a girl named Crystal systematically dated everyone in my social group (except for Keith and me) in her quest for somebody to settle down and raise a family with.

It takes a special kind of person to think that a 19-year-old would make a good father.

Apparently after dating a couple of my close friends, Crystal dated RJ. Within a month of their breakup, she was pregnant with somebody else's kid and engaged to be married. This probably sounds somewhat apocryphal, but those who knew Crystal will not be surprised. When she was single, she was everybody's friend. As soon as anybody expressed an interest in her, she latched onto him, and did whatever she could to keep him away from his social group. With a few minor exceptions she only spoke to me when she was single, and Crystal being single never lasted more than two or three days. Our second-to-last conversation took place over the phone, and went something like this:
Crystal: Hello?
Me: Hi, can I speak to Craig, please?
Crystal: Craig's gone for the week. He's visiting his grandma.
Craig (on another extension): Hello?
Yeah. Thanks to Crystal, I didn't see or hear from either of them again for some weeks. Eventually I got a call from Crystal because he'd disappeared. It was a few days later that Craig returned from an impromptu trip out west. To anybody familiar with the circumstances, this was not weird or irresponsible behavior.

Understandably, Crystal was furious and it didn't help that everybody sided with Craig. That was the last I saw of her. It comes as no surprise that after she got married, she cut her rainbow-dyed hair, dropped her Wiccan beliefs, and started cheerleading for Dubya. Her primary motivation seems to be her own financial and physical comfort, which sounds reasonable, but she takes it to extremes which involve entirely retooling her personality. This is exactly the sort of behavior the Evil Girlfriend would exhibit if I created a sitcom, but it stops being a punchline when it actually happens.

Anyway, eventually the party came downstairs. We watched TROOPS which, amazingly, most of the LARPers hadn't seen. Oh, you haven't seen it either? TROOPS is a short parody of COPS which features the Imperial Storm Troopers from Star Wars and explores the real story behind the death of Luke's uncle Owen and aunt Beru. It's been around since the late '90s, and for me it holds the same type of nostalgia as a movie you loved as a child, but which you now realize is riddled with plot holes and bad dialogue. TROOPS was a staple of parties with my high school friends during the mid-'90s, and I saw it more times than I want to think about. It was mildly clever and hasn't gotten any better, but unlike most of the funny videos I downloaded when I was 17, it hasn't gotten any worse either. If you're curious and feel like downloading a 30-meg video, you can find it here.

After TROOPS, RJ threw in a fan-produced episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 which featured all of the characters from Joel-era MST3K played by other actors. It was really quite impressive, but if you're going to all the trouble, why not make something original? We watched a little of it, but Tom wanted a drink before Rocky Horror so we ducked out before "Joel" (who was played by somebody named Ryan) and the bots started hounding Highlander II. I had wanted to leave a little later, but as it turned out, the party was winding down anyway.

So that was Saturday's party! Aren't you glad you read all that? It's almost as if you had actually been here! Sometime on Monday I will post about the rest of the weekend. Right now I'm going to bed.
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