I'm still turning that statement over in my mind and trying to figure out how somebody could actually say such a thing with a straight face.
Anyway, I can do things on the internet, my e-mail is working fine, but everything else is totally unavailable. Several people have tried restarting their PCs, but apparently they can't get past the login screen since they can't connect to the network.
I went downstairs for a cup of coffee a few minutes ago just as a whole bunch of managers were converging on the break room. While I was waiting for my coffee, an announcement came over the PA asking us not to reboot our computers. This prompted a stream of profanity from the group of managers, which was pretty funny.
Anyway, I think things are up and running now. Back to work.
ADDENDUM: Some of the network drives are still unavailable, so our in-house support guy sent out a three-megabyte e-mail with annotated pictures demonstrating how to re-establish those connections. Opening the e-mail took me a good five minutes since it was so big and everybody else was trying to open it at the same time, and the instructions, though not terribly technical or difficult, are confusing a lot of people who apparently didn't read the last line of the message: "Restarting your PC will accomplish this same task."