Colin Timothy Gagnon (sacredspud) wrote,
Colin Timothy Gagnon

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Stupid things

1. That plastic bag looks like a good mask! This is printed on a bag of shredded cheese in our fridge:
Keep kids safe! A plastic bag may look like a helmet or a rocket ship, but it is actually an airtight container designed to keep your food fresh. Do not allow children to play with this plastic bag! It may cover the nose and mouth or become lodged in the throat, causing suffocation. Please throw this and all plastic bags away after use!
2. How not to get a professional massage. Look, if you're going to purchase a massage, don't be too disappointed if it turns out just to be a massage and nothing more. If the masseuse tells you that they don't have sex with their customers, let it go. Don't call her coworkers to have them put in a good word for you, don't schedule a dozen more sessions with the same masseuse so that you can "win her over," and especially don't get yourself ejected from the premises by police. You won't get your massage, you won't get... whatever else it is you were expecting, and you won't get your money back because you probably signed a waiver authorizing them to stiff you if you got stiff.

3. Having my stuff thrown out. It was not fun to come home this evening to find my $250 UPS in the trash pile, in the rain. I had three of those, and somebody must have decided that they were garbage when they cleaned the basement on Saturday. Admittedly, it's probably been sitting out there since Saturday afternoon so I could have brought it in had I noticed it, but it also rained on that so it was probably soaked before I got home. How much you wanna bet the other ones got tossed, too?*

* If you live with me and you're reading this, blame it on somebody else. It's fine.
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