Colin Timothy Gagnon (sacredspud) wrote,
Colin Timothy Gagnon

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"The ennui is killing me."

Well, the Great Cubicle Switch happened, but (not surprisingly) it hasn't been worth writing about. Isn't that a nice story?

Anyway, I've been feeling pretty physically lousy the last couple of days. Yesterday I attributed it to the extremely low light thanks to the diffusers I'd mentioned, but even after moving into a much brighter space this morning I just felt kind of... crappy. I haven't really eaten anything of substance today. What little I did eat was good for me, at least. Well, other than that chocolate chip cookie bar I had at my class this evening.

Otherwise, little of interest has been happening, thanks to my being too tired and fatigued to actually enjoy social situations. This tends to happen a few times a year, and there's an indeterminate block of summer when I start feeling very physically and emotionally "down." I attempted suicide twice in the July between my seventh and eighth grades, but that thankfully I grew out of that.

These days when I hit absolute rock bottom I have to convince myself not to take the morning off. If I do that in summer, I last a couple of hours before somehow winding up at work. Between November and February I am frequently tempted to take a Mental Health Day, watch Twin Peaks until noon, and waste the rest of the day playing the freeware (read: "good") version of Crimsonland. In summer that feels like a waste of time, though.

I suppose the Noah's Ark trip fulfilled the same purpose, but $30 gate admission is a bit expensive for a Mental Health Day.

I don't feel too depressed to go in to work though. I just feel a great deal of ennui toward everything. My memory of the last few days is really foggy, and I blame the fact that I'm not eating. I've been through this enough times to know that it will pass, but finding the catalyst to spark the change is never easy.
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