Colin Timothy Gagnon (sacredspud) wrote,
Colin Timothy Gagnon
sacredspud

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I hope I don't get turned into a donkey like the boys in Pinocchio.

I swear, nobody burns through three applications of SPF 45 sunblock like I do. 'course, it's a very light burn, but we're talking about three applications. THREE!!!

Yes, I went to Noah's Ark (America's largest waterpark! Wahoo!) today with lord_alucard, Keith and Jordan. It was pretty friggin' rockin'. Of course, the things that made it rock so hard are the sort of things that don't come across well in a livejournal post: rides that are difficult to appreciate in text, conversations that I can't remember, incredibly attractive Australian girls... You know the drill. I can list a few memorable points, though.

Tom and Keith are apparently squeamish about heights so Jordan and I did, rode the Point of No Return without them. Point of No Return is a ten-story near-vertical drop and is the only attraction in the park which actually unnerves me. Knowing that these slides are engineered to be perfectly safe kinda takes the scare out of it, but for some reason Point of No Return affects me. I went twice, Jordan six times. I would have gone more, but I was barefoot and by the mid-afternoon my ankles were pretty shot. Later Jordan went down a few times while Keith and I went on an expedition to find Tom who'd gotten separated from us.

Jordan is the kind of person who has to scream all the way down a slide. I have never personally understood this phenomenon, but I assume that it's either a tension-release thing or makes the experience seem more exciting than it actually is. For me it's like clapping to the rhythm of live music, or doing catcalls when the singer correctly name-checks the venue. It's something extra that I have to think about doing, and that makes it less fun. Well, that and somebody once smacked me in the teeth with a mop handle because "clapping along with music is improper." Some of y'all can guess who that was. Regardless, it definitely adds to the experience of waiting your turn to go down a scary, yawning, black tube to watch Jordan disappear into it first, all the way screaming something like "I want a fat man in a trenchcoat to spread marmalade all over my toooooooooooes!"

Jordan's other big moment, incidentally, was on the Adventure River which is one o' those twisty-but-more-or-less-elliptical rivers where dads go to lay in an inner tube while the kids run amok in the wave pool. The inner tubes come in different sizes, and Jordan waited until we were out of sight of the lifeguards before he beat up the little kids who were riding one of the big ones. Actually, he just gave one of them a bloody nose. Actually, that didn't happen at all. But he did snatch the inner tube just as some kids were closing in on it. They weren't happy, but they got another one of the same size a moment later.

Lunch was at the Denny's Diner because lunch is always at the Denny's Diner when we go up there. It's easy to find we can afford it, and the vegetarians in our group (just Keith this time) can get an actual meal instead of just a plate of french fries. Our hostess was really new, and spouted all kinds of apocrypha about the menu, where she was allowed to seat us, and what beverages were available. On the way to Denny's, an attractive girl whom none of us recognized and who was a passenger in a car in another lane waved and waved and waved and thought we knew who she was.

Damn, this is getting needlessly long. Okay, well, back to the water park: after the crowd had thinned a little, we rode the Black Anaconda (whatever Freudian joke you were going to make -- don't). Verdict? It was a lot of fun. Longer than any waterslide I've ever been on. It begins with an uphill climb on a conveyer belt, and then, well, I don't remember much except that it was fast, and we spent more time airborne than you're probably supposed to. They say that three passengers of up to 600 pounds can go down at once, and we came pretty close.

We also rode Noah's Incredible Adventure, which I will not describe here, save to say that I went on it two years ago when it was new, and it was the lamest ride I'd ever been on. They've done some renovations and improved it so that now it's no less lame, but it lasts longer.

Anyway, mini-golf, wave pool, etc., etc., etc. You get the idea. We had a good time, and I didn't go to work which felt great. Even having worked on Monday, tomorrow is going to feel like the first day after a four-day weekend. It's nice. I'm good and sleepy and should have no difficulty nodding off tonight.
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