Colin Timothy Gagnon (sacredspud) wrote,
Colin Timothy Gagnon

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When we receive a fax, it's delivered as an e-mail attachment. The faxes have to be placed in our online document imaging system, so every time I get one I have to save the file to a network drive, and the filename is always Attach1. Obviously I have to change the filenames or each new one will overwrite the last one, so I usually just hit a bunch of keys at random and press enter. The random filenames don't matter because the imaging system assigns its own names. This is an automated process, so there's no reason anyone should ever see what I type. With me so far? Good. Here's where it gets stupid:

This morning I was presented by one of my coworkers with a list of filenames she considered offensive or derisive. The list is a couple of pages long (one filename and the date I used it on each line), and looks more like a list of pronouncable filenames than offensive ones. Thankfully, she came directly to me without speaking to a manager first, probably because she doesn't handle incoming faxes and has no business poking around in the "to be imaged" folder. It's not her job. Anyway, here are a few entries from the list:
  • lig (March 8)
  • foy (March 21, May 5, May 10)
  • spuck (March 16, April 11, April 19, April 22, April 28, May 23)
  • klitz (April 28)
  • sdigit (May 3)
  • pwirna (May 5)
  • a woakt (May 10)
  • droik (May 17)
  • muvwuno (May 19)
  • funk (May 26)
I had to assure and reassure her that I had been naming the files at random, to which she replied "well then why not just type in gibberish?"

I responded that I thought most of them are gibberish.

"What about this one?" she asked, pointing at "0-wjd."

"Oh dash whijjid?" I said.

"Zero, would Jesus do."

I have to admit that I was surprised to see "klitz" and "funk" in there, and that after spending five minutes hitting keys at random, I haven't typed "spuck" once (let alone six times). Translating "0-wjd" into anti-Christian sentiment written in a hybrid of Yoda and l33t5p34k, however, is a stretch of over analysis that even Jerry Falwell wouldn't attempt.

On the other hand, this is the woman who prefers "bugger" to "darn," because darn is a derivative of "damn," while bugger "isn't rude or profane at all." That's a direct quote.

She's sitting at her desk right now with headphones on, quietly singing "The Farmer in the Dell," which can't possibly be what she's listening to.
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