In other news, greeting card artists are now writing at a South Park level, except that they aren't funny.
The selection of card styles is unnerving, too. I can understand "for Mother" and the less-formal "for Mom," as well as "for a wife," "from a son," "from a daughter," and "from both of us." "Like a mother" makes sense too, and it's a good idea. Then there's "for a secretary," "for my secretary," and "for an office assistant." What's the difference? For that matter, why give a Mother's Day card to your secretary? "For a teacher?" "For a pet?" "For Dad on Mother's Day?" "For Pete's sake!"
I might be making that last one up. "For one mother of a mother" would be a good one, though. Like, if your parents are into motorcyles 'n stuff.
I think the oddest style of Mother's Day card I've seen was in 1999. I'd been in Decorah, Iowa on Mother's Day visiting Sara whom I was dating at the time, and we stopped at the grocery store that Sunday morning so I could pick up a card. One of the sections was labelled "like a wife."
Like. A. Wife.
I kid you not. I haven't seen "like a wife" cards since, but it occurs to me that "for my secretary" might be a specialized version of "like a wife." Something to remind you both that you have plenty of marriage-breaking blackmail material. Yow.
I wish they made the kind of cards I'd actually give. Something with a nice flower or a cat on the front, and inside the words "I love you too much to give you greeting card poetry," or (if I'm in a more serious mood) "I really appreciate the fact that you didn't let me screw myself up when I was a teenager. In particular I appreciate the less gentle prods, because I probably needed them more."
I'd also love to see a card that says "Hear me out: Some people might find gift cards tacky and impersonal, but you had to put up with me for eighteen years so you must know how bad my taste is."