November 1st, 2003
|02:05 pm - DDT Blues|
Yeah, so, yesterday was... weird.
First of all, let's get one thing straight. I have built my entire personality around my inability to attract women. It really screws things up for me when a bunch of you gang up on me and proposition me like this. It's certainly not unpleasant, but this is all pushing me one step closer to complete and utter logical failure.
I'll back up a bit. I'm sure those of you who are avid skimmers of my livejournal (hi to both of you) will remember that much earlier this year, somebody in my office ran into my car with a truck. I don't think I mentioned this at the time, but she's attractive. Really attractive. When I was being told that she'd run into my car, I was all set to be understanding and magnanimous (which is not to say that I wasn't going to handle it through my insurance) until she mentioned that the truck belongs to (pregnant pause) her fiancee. (Dramatic silence.) It was less of a blow than I make it sound. In fact, it wasn't a blow at all, just an "oh, that's unfortunate" sort of moment. It didn't actually affect me at the time because, well, I'd never thought of approaching her.
Yesterday, however, we spoke at length. Like, much greater length than usual. In an average week, we might say "hi" passing each other in the hallway. Yesterday we had a conversation and she flirted with me to the point that my coworkers were pointing it out. On top of this, she's selling a never-used weeding* gown.
This is unnerving. This is unnerving because, she is, as I said, very cute, but I get the feeling that our personalities wouldn't mesh very well. Add to this the fact that I was her least favorite person ever for a little while. I can't blame her for that -- she and her fiancee were planning a wedding, and suddenly a large and unforseen expense suddenly appeared because we happened to park next to each other. Her behavior might make sense if she still owed me money, but the repairs have been taken care of for months. Now what's going on? Is the fiancee still in the picture? It seems to me that he's probably not, but how do I find out? Do I even want to find out? What do I want to do if he's not? I don't know how to answer these questions, but I could start by making a nonchalant attempt to ask how the truck is doing. Given my track record with women, it'll come out as "do you know how they treat raw sewage?"
Second, well, last night at the party stuff happened. Don't worry. I didn't wake up with my-- No. I'm not going to give you the details of what didn't happen. You can imagine those yourself. No, when I say that "stuff happened," I mean I was dragged into a conversation that I wanted to have, but didn't think would ever occur. Everything I said last night still stands. That's not likely to change. Still, this, coupled with the car girl (who has a name, but now that people from work are reading my livejournal I don't know how much I want to discuss) and the couple of honest-to-God let's-fool-around propositions I've received in the last week don't jive with the "possible future unambomber" image I've been inadvertantly projecting for the last few years.
On top of all this, I can't seem to find a copy of Frank Zappa's You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore, Volume 2 at any of the record stores in this town. I'm going to try Best Buy and Borders this afternoon (since I'm running errands in that area anyway), but those are the two least likely places for me to find what I'm looking for.
* Sorry, I meant to type "wedding," but I'm so amused by the mistake that I'd rather leave it in and type a long explanation for it than correct it.
Current Mood: nervous
Current Music: Bobby Prince -- King Dill
|Date:||November 1st, 2003 04:09 pm (UTC)|| |
Two excerpts I want to juxtapose:
1. "I have built my entire personality around my inability to attract women."
2. "don't jive with the "possible future unambomber" image I've been *inadvertantly* projecting for the last few years."
Maybe it's intentional, maybe it isn't. Maybe it's some of both. Decide, yo.
Colin, if you genuinely don't want to attract women, I advise you to either lower your standard of personal hygeine, wear really ratty thrift-store clothing, and/or project an aura of free floating hatred that makes people not want to come near you.
Fact is, you're attractive and clever. When you were in high school ("When [you were] forty pounds lighter and more attractive"), the social circles were small enough that social stigma could severely limit your dating options...but that was five years ago. The random whims of some social elite are not going to exclude you.
Plus, there's a non-gender-specific sexual attraction to "cute, clever, funny person who I barely know anything about" because everything they DO know is good and they're free to imagine anything they DON'T know is also good. The girl I knew like this in high school attracted a very persistent (but harmless) stalker...and you know all about this particualr drawback to being the CCFPWIBKAA.
Anyway, life is good, or at least better. It's confusing, but, well, good. Enjoy it.