Colin Timothy Gagnon (sacredspud) wrote,
Colin Timothy Gagnon

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The difference between fun bad movies and bad bad movies

Just waiting to be picked up for B-Fest now... 24 hours of B-movies sounds daunting, but I can handle it. I checked out the schedule on the B-Fest website, and I've pasted it below. Movies in bold are ones I've seen, movies underlined are ones I own, which is scary enough in itself. Movie's I'm actually afraid of are denoted in red.

Friday, January 28 2005
  • 6:00 p.m. Intro

  • 6:05 The Island of Terror

  • 7:35 The Apple sponsored by The Soylent Green Party

  • 9:10 Mystery Short

  • 9:25 The Swarm sponsored by C.H.E.W.

  • 11:25 Raffle for Door Prizes

  • 11:45 The Wizard of Speed and Time (the short, not the movie)

  • midnight Plan 9 From Outer Space

Saturday, January 29 2005
  • 1:20 a.m. Black Belt Jones

  • 2:50 Mystery Short

  • 3:05 Beauty and the Robot

  • 4:40 Death Wish 3 sponsored by Jabootu's Bad Movie Dimension

  • 6:15 Project Moonbase

  • 7:20 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain

  • 9:00 breakfast break

  • 9:30 Robot Monster sponsored by American Cultist Omnimedia

  • 10:40 Class of Nuke 'Em High

  • 12:10 p.m. Mystery Short

  • 12:25 Lassie: The Adventures of Neeka

  • 1:40 Ice Pirates sponsored by the B-Movie Message Board

  • 3:15 Earth vs. The Flying Saucers sponsored by Bad Movie Planet

  • 4:40 Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo sponsored by Stomp Tokyo
Yes, I'm somewhat frightened of watching Death Wish 3 and Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo, the former because of its mention in TMBG's theme for the Anaheim House of Blues (lyrics here), the latter because, well, who isn't?

Our plans for the day have undergone a major change because the house we were hoping to stay at may not be available after all, but the operative word in that sentence is "may." We'll play it by ear, I guess. Something like this always seems to happen.

In similar bad movie news, I notice that Alone in the Dark opens today. I really want it to not suck (no really, I do), but Hollywood has never been good at adapting Lovecraft (or in this case, video games inspired by Lovecraft), so I don't hold out much faith. General consensus online seems to match this review from the Internet Movie Database which states that "[t]his is quite possibly the worst film I've seen period and I used to work for Troma." Ouch.

The trailer is full of Christian Slater and Tara Reid kicking ass which, if you know HPL's works, just doesn't fit. Some day I'd like to see a good studio-backed feature film based on his works, but the best I'm aware of is the not very well-liked In the Mouth of Madness. Hollywood thrives on sex, action, and badass heroes with rippling muscles. HPL is all about quiet atmospheres of creeping insanity and effeminate college professors. There's no real semblance between the Cthulhu mythos and any pre-existing religion but Hollywood always has to draw parallels to Christian theology by inserting words like "Hell," "Satan," and "demons" just in case we don't get it. This cheapens the effect in ways you wouldn't understand if you've never read him.

Anyway, AITD: The Movie is gonna suck, and if anybody wants to waste $8.50 at it I'll gladly hate it with you, but it's the kind of movie that Sean tends to buy on DVD without seeing it first, so I'll probably see it in a few months anyway.
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