Colin Timothy Gagnon (sacredspud) wrote,
Colin Timothy Gagnon

  • Mood:
  • Music:

Movies that'll suck.

Well first of all I s'pose I oughta mention that I added a few people to my friends list this morning -- all Rocky or ex-Rocky folks, so, y'know. Hi.

Anyway, I was thinking this morning about some of the movies I've been looking forward to. None of them are particularly mainstream, which is not to say that I have ultra-733t taste in movies, just that very recently there's been this sudden increase in the sort of movies I'd like to see, and the big studios aren't interested in touching most of them. God knows when I'll actually get a chance to see any of them, but when they come out they'll probably be worth a look.

01. The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath -- So far I have a love/hate relationship with this movie, which has recently had a limited release. It's an animated adaptation of Jason Thompson's five-issue comic based on the short novel by H.P. Lovecraft. My problem with the film is that while the comic is a brilliant and beautiful adaptation, it doesn't seem to translate very well as a movie. You can see the results in the trailer on the website (I wasn't as thrilled as I'd hoped). We'll see. I haven't seen the movie yet, and I might be dismissing something really good. I'd love to see Dream-Quest get the big-budget Lord of the Rings Treatment, but that's just not gonna happen. The story almost hinges on a working knowledge of Lovecraft's other works, and although I recognize "the monstrous nuclear chaos beyond angled space" as Azathoth, the average moviegoer probably does not. Probably.

02. Alone In The Dark -- I'm a little worried about this one. Generally video game movies suck like a... they suck a lot. Based on the trailer, I really don't have a lot of faith in this film. It also doesn't help that the official website looks like somebody's personal homepage. Still, I've been a big fan of the computer games, from the first (kinda dumb) one which came out in 1993 to 2001's Alone In The Dark: The New Nightmare, which was an interesting fusion of The Island of Dr. Moreau and the Cthulhu mythos. I think that moving the story into the present day might have been a bad idea (it worked in AITD4, but I liked the 1920's setting better). I also wish they'd stop casting Tara Reid in roles where she's supposed to be sexy; she looks like a dead fish -- maybe moreso than Sarah Michelle Gellar does.

03. Nocturna -- Okay, I'm not gonna bash this one right off the bat. I know almost nothing about this film, but it looks friggin' interesting. I like the style of animation, and while this looks like it's primarily directed at children, if it doesn't pander too much, it might be really good. If not, it'll at least be really pretty.

04. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy -- Despite being midway through its second decade of pre-pre-production, there's not a whole lot of information on this film. What we do know is that it actually is finally happening, and that actual people are actually signed on to the project. Douglas Adams may not be around to supervise anymore, but HHG is well loved to the point that if the movie sucks, a several studio executives are going to wake up after the premier with slit throats. Hollywood probably realizes this.

05. At The Mountains of Madness -- Guillermo del Toro has been talking about for years about this film, which is barely on the horizon. The plan is that after he finishes Hellboy, he'll begin work on a book-accurate version of H.P. Lovecraft's At The Mountains of Madness. Anybody who's read the book knows that this is either a love-it or hate-it situation -- my guess is that those familiar with the book will be captivated, and most of the rest of the audience will be climbing the walls with boredom. I'll be in the former group.

06. Ash vs. Freddy vs. Jason -- Yeah, I know you think I'm kidding, but I'm so serious about this that it's not even funny. The studios have been flirting with this idea in recent months -- Sam Raimi has even spoken in support of it. I'd bet money that the project will never get off the ground, but if it does, I'll be first in line for the ultimate in pure, rot-out-your-brain, completely unredeemable cinematic trash.

07. Neuromancer -- A little more than a year ago, Chris Cunningham (who directs music videos) announced that he's in talks with William Gibson to make this happen. No idea who's scripting it, but this is another Hitchhiker's situation -- if the movie sucks, people will die in flames. I'm not so optimistic that this project will go forward, because it's so long overdue. Chuck Russell was going to make it in the late 80's, but couldn't get the funding. Probably a good thing, since his screenplay (which is floating around online and has been confirmed as official) is just as deplorable as the rest of his body of work (The Scorpion King, the 80's remake of The Blob, The Mask with Jim Carey...). Later, Columbia was going to bankroll a Neuromancer movie on the success of Johnny Mnemonic, which failed miserably and Neuromancer was shelved. This is the right time to make the film though -- semi-smart sci-fi (ala The Matrix) is riding high right now. Hopefully they get a good script, and Cunningham does a competent job with it. A few years back I would've liked to see Ridley Scott make this movie, but these days he's mostly interested in testosterone stroke films like Gladiator and Black Hawk Down.

So um, anyway, those are the upcoming (maybe) films I care about (maybe). Glancing through that list, I see I'm not overly confident about them. Meh. I like to keep this mindset so that when (if) they rock my socks, they'll really rock my socks.

I've never had my socks rocked before. I wonder if it hurts.
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.