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April 16th, 2003


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09:36 am - Worrisome Coffee
Let me tell you the story of Colin and the Coffee He Drinks.

Every day when I get to work, I need a cup of something hot and caffinated. While occasionally I've brought a thermos full of hot tea, I usually opt for coffee. Where I work there are two places to get it.

Number one, there's the vending machine downstairs. The coffee in this machine is a weak, flavorless concoction and darn near the least pleasant beverage in existence, surpassed in its horridness only by vending machine cappuccino.

The other alternative is the coffee they make in my department.

You see, we have two coffee makers up here in my department. One is used only for heating water; the other is used for coffee. This second coffee maker is controlled by the two most incredibly attractive women ever. At first, I didn't use it because I found the blinding aura of stunning surrounding the coffee to be a little more than I could handle at 7:58 am. On top of this, I'd heard these women chiding their coworkers for drinking coffee they didn't help pay for. I stayed away until a couple of months ago when I was finally approached by... well, I'd feel weird using her name, so let's just call her The Absolute Epitome of Gorgeous.

AEG: So Colin.
Colin: So Mel-- I mean, The Absolute Epitome of Gorgeous. What's up?
AEG: I couldn't help but notice that you keep drinking that horrid coffee out of the machine downstairs.
Colin: Yes, yes I do.
AEG: Why do you drink that crap? You can have some of what K*mm and I brew.
Colin: I think I'd like to buy a vowel.
AEG: What?

I took her up on it. Well, I tried anyway. AEG sits a few cubes away from me, and came running over when she heard an unpleasant noise.

AEG: Dude, are you choking to death? What's going on? Dude, are you okay?
Colin: (Gasping for air) This coffee--
AEG: (Laughing) Too strong for you, huh?
Colin: No. What flavor is this?
AEG: Oh, it's um, Amaretto Blueberry Crumble Apple Fritter Pinesol Pork.
Colin: Holy wow, it's like drinking perfume.
AEG: Yeah, we have that kind too, but we were gonna save it for Friday.

Screw this, I thought. I'm sticking to the pseudo-coffee-flavored-coffee that they put in the vending machine.

Then I-- wait, did I have a point here? Sorry, I'm at work, and the morning is slow enough so far that I can afford to update my livejournal without fear of getting behind in my duties. Oh, that's right. I was going to complain about the dubious cup of coffee I purchased this morning. It's brown. Well, yeah, I know coffee is brown, but I mean this coffee is opaque. It's cloudy. Should I drink this?

I remember the day last year when just as I finished my coffee, an announcement went out over the PA system:

"Please do not turn off the sinks in the bathrooms and do not use them to wash your hands. Please do not use the coffee machine or any of the drinking fountains. A chemical contaminant has been detected in our water, and we are in the process of flushing it out. For the next week, moist towelettes and bottled water will be provided for your convenience. An e-mail about this went out last night, but the Domino server was down, so some of you may not have received the message."

I hope this isn't another one of those situations. Anyway, I've decided to drink the coffee, so if I'm dead when I write my next entry, you'll understand why.

Oh, lovely. Now it's not only cloudy, it's cold, too.
Current Mood: lethargiclethargic
Current Music: The Best of The Smith and Wesson Kiddie Hour -- Less Talking More Pants

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Worrisome Coffee - Garmonbozia for the soul.

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