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December 16th, 2005


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09:56 am - Anybody know where I can get a life-size cutout of Catherine Zeta-Jones?
As usual we're doing a Secret Santa thingie at work, and as usual I'm participating, though I'd really rather not. During the last year, the managers from our customer service department moved into our area of the building (which is not part of the CS area at all). They're noisy and sometimes they're aggravating, but we're including them in our Secret Santa exchange because our department is so small and the CS group isn't doing one.

Those with good memories for the inordinately trivial will remember an annoyed post I made about sharing a cubicle wall with one of these managers, and how his computer laughed like Nelson from The Simpsons every time he got an e-mail. Well, that was in July. These days I'm sitting somewhere else entirely, and that's a good thing because now it sings Crazy by Britney Spears.

You can see where this is going, right? That's the guy whose name I drew. I'm not sure what to get him, so I sent out an e-mail to the other three supervisors:
'sup.

So um, I drew Neil's name for Secret Santa, and I'm not sure what to get him. Generally a cursory glance around the cubicle is sufficient to inspire ideas, but the only common theme I see at Neil's desk is clutter.

Though I can certainly muddle my way through Thursday with goofy, cheap gifts, I'm at a loss regarding Friday, as I'd like to get something unoffensive that doesn't suck. I realize that those two criteria rarely couple in the real world, but I would appreciate any hints or suggestions you might have. I'm looking for serious suggestions in particular, as there really are people in the world who are amused by the body-size condoms at Spencer's, and I'm not in a good position to judge whether Neil is one of them.

Okay then,
Colin
One of them sent me a response recommending "late 60's and 1970's music, Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Merchandise, and anything Catherine Zeta-Jones or Salma Hayek related." At first I thought this was probably not a serious answer, but the other two have confirmed that this hits the nail more or less on the head. One of them even offered to let me give him her Avon catalog, since one of those two (I don't remember which) models in it. I'd like to get him a life-size cutout of one of them, but I seem to recall that cardboard celebrities are kind of pricey, which is a moot point as I doubt that I'll even be able to find one.

I wonder if he'd like that Second Best of ELO CD I've been vigorously not listening to.
Current Mood: boredbored
Current Music: Not the Second Best of ELO

(15 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:seanorange
Date:December 16th, 2005 04:53 pm (UTC)
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This has to be one of the best posts ever.

You make your workplace sound so lively, even though I'm sure you don't think so, and it's certainly not your intent.

~Sean
[User Picture]
From:sacredspud
Date:December 16th, 2005 10:17 pm (UTC)
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Well, this was meant to be an entertaining post... I really like my workplace, but my perpetual bad mood probably makes it seem less fun, both to me and people reading my journal. The e-mail I sent out is perfectly appropriate to its recipients, but I can count on one hand the other people here whom I'd be comfortable sending it to.
[User Picture]
From:defaultlisa
Date:December 16th, 2005 05:50 pm (UTC)
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Spencer's carries BODY-SIZE CONDOMS?!

::titter::
[User Picture]
From:seanorange
Date:December 16th, 2005 06:41 pm (UTC)
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You know. In case you ever date a sperm whale.

~Away!!
[User Picture]
From:sacredspud
Date:December 16th, 2005 10:31 pm (UTC)
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...now are you talking about a large, aquatic mammal, or is that a euphamism for something?
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From:sacredspud
Date:December 16th, 2005 10:30 pm (UTC)
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Presumably they're for people so easy that you'll catch something through physical proximity, though I'd be a little wary of them as I doubt that the packages are printed with expiration dates.
[User Picture]
From:defaultlisa
Date:December 17th, 2005 03:48 am (UTC)

First use that came to mind ...

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I pictured a swimming pool full of pudding, just for me. Then I realized that I would want to goosh about it and get all messy anyway, especially if it was tapioca, so I don't really need that body-size condom so much.

But if you were wearing a suit and you were concerned about getting messy-- say you had a business meeting right after your swim-- then the body condom would be a necessity for that dive into a swimming pool of pudding.
[User Picture]
From:seanorange
Date:December 17th, 2005 06:24 am (UTC)

Re: First use that came to mind ...

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I like the way you think. The delicious, delicious way you think.

~Sean
[User Picture]
From:evil_jim
Date:December 16th, 2005 05:58 pm (UTC)

An idea

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I was going to suggest Westfield comics for life-sized cutouts, but indeed they are pricy. An altertative could be printing a life-sized picture of her (or a recognizable part of her) and pinning it to his cubicle wall in some appropriate place. (Say, peering over a pile of clutter with a word balloon that says "If you clean this up we can have some fun.") I realize your printer probably isn't big enough to do this all in one shot, but the right program will let you do it in pieces & assemble it later.

Yeah, it's a lot of work. Maybe he'd like a Nelson plastic figurine instead.
[User Picture]
From:sacredspud
Date:December 16th, 2005 10:14 pm (UTC)

Re: An idea

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Actually, that really is a good idea. I'm probably not going to have the ambition to do it (finding the ambition means cleaning my printer and purchasing new ink cartridges), but if I do, you get all the credit for thinking of it.
[User Picture]
From:evil_jim
Date:December 16th, 2005 11:01 pm (UTC)

Re: An idea

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Just use the printer at work. It is a work-related project after all.
[User Picture]
From:sacredspud
Date:December 16th, 2005 11:24 pm (UTC)

Re: An idea

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That's a possibility too, except that the printers at work (at least, the ones I have access to) are black and white, and I'd like to do it in color.

By the way, that's possibly the greatest icon I've ever seen. EVER.
[User Picture]
From:evil_jim
Date:December 16th, 2005 11:53 pm (UTC)
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Thank you. I've been seeing a plethora of other similarly modified user icons in the communities I read & I just couldn't resist. I really hope the old bean can forgive me for this... At least he looks happy.
From:renny1780
Date:December 16th, 2005 06:39 pm (UTC)
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I'm very amused by this, for some strange reason. I think it's partly because the e-mail doesn't seem like something you'd actually send to people, regardless of how well you know them. Truthfully, I got more of a kick out of the e-mail than the fact that you need to find a life-size Cahterine Zeta-Jones-Douglas...
[User Picture]
From:sacredspud
Date:December 16th, 2005 10:25 pm (UTC)
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Well... As I said to Sean, I wouldn't feel comfortable sending that message to most of my coworkers, but these three managers once had a loud and reasonably graphic (like, too graphic for network TV) conversation about nicknames for genetalia. I figured that this kind of e-mail would get their attention.
Anybody know where I can get a life-size cutout of Catherine Zeta-Jones? - Garmonbozia for the soul.

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